Is Intimacy Worth It?
1: the state of being intimate - familiar
2: something of a personal or private nature
It's definition, according to Merriam-Webster, has nothing to do with sex. Intimacy really just means personal. And if there's one thing I've learned it's the more personal something is the more universal it is as well. But why do we tend to be so afraid intimacy these days? Or, at the very least, not willing to spend any time on it?
Why Does Intimacy Seem To Be On It's Way Out?
Because device free connection is also on the way out. Think about it, our devices are usually in-between us and everything now. All you have to do is take a ride on the subway here in NY to see that we've become disconnected from the world around us and channel our attention into our devices. It's just how it is. And there's a consequence to this. Any skill you don't practice, you'll lose. Ready for it..?
When I was in my teens we didn't have phones. At all. Period. The only device we had were beepers (and those were even rare). When we wanted to connect we either had to pick up the phone or just show up in person. If I saw someone at a party who I thought was attractive and wanted to connect with, I had no choice but to approach her and strike up a conversation. There was nothing in-between us. It was just... us. This was often scary and nerve-wracking. But also VERY exciting.
There is now a generation that has very little experience with device free connection and, soon, there will be those born into the world that will never have this experience. So my question is: If they have never experienced something, will they miss it? And let's face it...
Intimacy Is Costly
Intimacy costs. It costs time and effort. I mean, who wants it long and hard? Wait... Let me rephrase... Here's what's true: when our emotional and sometimes biological needs for intimacy are all met through a device that doesn't require any direct human interaction, what real incentive is there for any one of use to spend the time or effort that intimacy asks?
But Intimacy Rocks
For me, I know that intimacy is awesome. It's exciting, stimulating and just plain sexy. I know this, because I continue to experience it and value the deep and authentic human connection that intimacy provides. Not just in my romantic relationship but all of my relationships. And yes, most certainly with you, my reader, who I consider an intimate friend.
Why Intimacy Is So Damn Important
We don't relate to others' circumstances. We relate to others' feelings. Think about that. I don't know what it's like to be you. Your DNA is 1 in 7 BILLION. Add this to a very unique set of life experiences and relationships and what you have is something only you can really know. Everything about you is unique. But when we talk intimately about your feelings, that's when the magic happens. You see while I may not know what it's like to be you, I know what it's like to feel ashamed. Or what it feels like to be treated unfairly. I know these things because feelings are universal. The expression of the emotion of happiness on me looks the same on you. And when we share more intimately how we feel - that is what will bring us closer together and allow us to grow in whatever relationship we're in. It's about free expression. Not of ideas or concepts but of your feelings!
The Benefits Of Intimacy
It's sexy. It's fun. It's exciting. It's scary. It will bring out your truest self and that's the self the world wants to connect with. The real you. The loving, awkward, confident, insecure and adventurous you. When the real you connects with others who are doing the same... WOW. There is a feeling of freedom that most will never know because they're too busy playing Candy Crush on their phone. Don't you want to feel FREE and CELEBRATED by others who inspire you? I sure do. It's why I like to keep things as intimate as possible.
How Do We Practice Intimacy?
There are many ways. But the first thing I recommend is finding and getting around some people that not only accept you fully for who you are, but celebrate it. You deserve that. We all do.
I'll be writing more on this but, in the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts on intimacy. How about commenting below and sharing what you're feeling? I'd love to hear it.